ALL HOPE IS LOST

All hope is lost

Gone forever and a day

There is nothing to be said now

There is nothing left to say

All hope is lost

Buried beneath a grave

All is dead and gone now

There is no one here to save

All hope is lost...

© Rachel Livingston

PIECES

I alone cannot be

What other people think of me

For I am one of  many pieces

And some people choose to pick up the pieces that don't matter

Some people choose to pick up the pieces that are obsolete

Some people choose to pick up the pieces that other's have laid into my pile

While other's choose to pick up the pieces that matter the most

Don't judge me based upon anything but the pieces that matter

For life is too short to fuck around with the the bull shit

© Rachel Livingston

The Root of All Evil

"Pay this,
You owe us this,"
Words that I hate to hear.
Drain me dry,
You fucking rat!
Take, take, take! God Damn it!
Get a clue!
I'm drowning in debt!
I cannot afford to live!
Mother Fucker! You and your glottonous ways!
One day YOU will suffer
One day YOU will have to pay.
© Rachel Livingston


It's from the heart.  

I had a bad experience with bill collectors today. If you couldn't tell that's what inspired me to write this poem. THANK YOU DAD for paying my debt! I didn't even have to ask you to pay all 414 dollars of it!! It is greatly appreciated! You have no idea! I love you dad! I didn't know what I was going to do. If it weren't for my dad I would have gotten sued!

I love you Dad! Thanks for saving my ass! You have no idea how grateful I am! I love you! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Happy

Free me from this overwhelming weight on my shoulders

I need my happy

It's an addiction

A Problem

I need my happy to feel sane

To feel alive

Don't take my happy away

I rarely get it

And once I taste my happy I don't want to quit

But I must have a damn limit

Fucking limits

I've tasted my happy today

But it's not enough

I've already reached my limit

It's time to put these ten ton bricks back upon my shoulders

When will I get my happy again?

I don't want to wait

Why can't I have my happy?

I'm fucked either way

It's a beautiful curse

Happy

© Rachel Livingston

Mrs. Unknown

Blood soaked hands....
Lost in unknown lands..
The air that I breathe is not of this Earth..
I was dead at birth..
Roaming this delusional planet,
I think I have finally had it. Damn it!
There is a wormhole out there waiting for me,
In the darkness and I cannot see.
But once I find it, this I know,
I'll get sucked in its twisted flow.
I'm forever doomed to be something unknown.
I never thought I could feel so alone.
No one can see me because they don't understand.
I'm lost forever with blood stained hands..

© Rachel Livingston 

Barefoot in Nowhere

Ripped flowers. Scattered peddles floating in the air. Death and beauty. Barefoot in the soft green grass squishing it between my toes. I can hear the plants whispering to each other. Tree spirits gaze as us. In the middle of nowhere, where nature lives. They sky lights up with stars at dark. The moon is big and full. The songs of wolves sing in the background leaving a peaceful energy in the air. Earth is our home. Let's respect and protect it.

© Rachel Livingston 

It's Just One Of Those Days

I cannot make the words come out
I cannot translate these thoughts into a language that
anyone can understand
living in my head is a heaven in hell
the one place I cant escape,
the one thing I can't hide from

I feel like I'm trapped in this body and limited
when I(we) just want to break out
and be set free

it's a constant mosh pit of emotions
rubbing and smashing into another

if I'm not, then there is always someone thinking in my head
always functioning
always wondering
always dreaming
always screaming
always begging me for my attention
always dragging me into its colorful pit of bittersweet confusion

a whirlwind of insecurity
a storm of questions
a yearning to know why

why can I not answer these questions based upon myself that i of all
people should know...

they say no one can know you better than yourself
but thats hard when you are more than one,
when "yourself" consists of many pieces to a puzzle that do not fit
each other
thus being because these pieces do not belong to one individual puzzle
but to many individual puzzles with their own unique pictures and thoughts

when will all the pieces fit?
do i really want to solve this puzzle?
will I ever?
or am I destined to remain scattered, unsolved and abstract?



© Rachel Livingston

ZERO

This burden was handed to me
Unwillingly placed into my hands
Stained within my skin
And I don’t know why
My heart begs me to rebel against this vague violation of human desires
And rebel I will
I shall scrub until this stain is no more
Scrub until I bleed
Scrub until I reach the bone
Wash it all away until my bone is pure white
And once I fall apart I will gather up my pieces from the dirt
I will cheat death one more time until I have satisfied my own hunger for meaning
This search for my own mortality is as addicting as heroin
And as deadly as cancer
I will never stop, never surrender, until I get an answer

© Rachel Livingston 

I Broke My Neck

I snapped my neck
I just figured what the heck
Broken bones
Broken homes
Fatal wounds, of a broken heart
My world is falling apart
I snapped my neck today
It felt good, now it's time to decay

© Rachel Livingston

Great Divide

Cross on over to the great divide
I cannot help to withstand this morality
Nevermore shall I dwell in the world you think you know so well
My expiration date is over due
But i know what I must do
These visions materialize in front of me
Telling me what I need to see
I'm crossing over to the great divide
And I'll wait for you on the other side

© Rachel Livingston

Insecure Hands

My mind is racing
Thoughts keep pacing
I'm falling into my own trap
Driving without a map
Lost in an obsolete world
No Devil, No Lord
I'm stuck in grey
Neither black or white
At least for now I am high as a kite
And I don't want to come down
Because I'll drown
I don't want to fall into my own puddle
That we have created with insecure hands


© Rachel Livingston

Cats and Water

Why do cats hate water?
Maybe they hate getting their hair wet like me...
Or maybe they're scared of drowning..
Why do tigers like water?
At least I heard that they like water..
They like to get their hair wet, unlike me....

© Rachel Livingston

Do you really love me?

Are you only with me because you're afraid I would kill myself if you left me?
And you don't want to live with that guilt?
I'm afraid to ask if you still really love me.
Because I'm afraid of what you will say.
I don't want you to be with me for my lifes sake
I want you to be with me because you love me.
But I don't want to ask because I am too paranoid of what you will say.
Are you really afraid that I would take my life if you were gone?
In a way I just don't want to know
I cannot promise you that I wont take my own life if you left
But I don't want you to dwell on it and lie to yourself.
It's fucked up...
All I can do is keep quiet and enjoy you  saying "I love you"
And hope that it is true.

© Rachel Livingston

Turn to the Knife

Depression
This is my confession
I will never learn my lesson
The same mistakes over and over.
Things you can't just shrug  your shoulders
A mistake I am
I never had a plan
No direction in life
I turned to the knife
I'd take it all back if I could
You know I would
I may intend to hurt but not kill
Because pain is my only thrill
The only reason I am here to day
To be honest I can't think of why,
I don't know what to say.
What's the point of existence
When life keeps resisting?
I 'll confess
If you are listening
Please keep persisting
On me
Open my eyes so I can see.
Please don't leave me.

© Rachel Livingston

Human

Manipulation
A human mutation
Motives and lies
Hear the children cries
Wake the fallen
The demons are calling
Secrets of the dead
Thoughts that I dread
Nothing is said
In the silence
We seek guidance
From those above
Who show no love
Looking for answers
And finding cancer
Looking for a way out
Giving up full of doubt
Ignore the human lore
For being human has no cure

© Rachel Livingston

This Body I Decay

Underneath this flesh
There is a soul
Begging to be set free
Lost in my mind
Don't waste your time
I can't hear you
I'm spacing out
Lost in my head
This skin I shed
Release me from this world
This body I decay
I wont exist soon
Not in you're world anyway


© Rachel Livingston

Falling

I'm falling
With no para-shoot
No one to break my fall
Every time I hit the ground
I gain more strength and less trust
I'm falling
You pushed me down
I've grown emotionless to your words
I stand up and walk away
Away from the hate
But it always comes back
And I'm falling down
 I hit the ground again
I'll pull myself together
And begin again


© Rachel Livingston

Sacrifice

My sacrifice to you
is of my own mortality
Dieing for the cause
No more hiding from the killer;
who is right outside my door
Red rain pours down my body
So refreshing
Bleeding out the pain
Breathing in the toxic essence of death
Leaving me with the taste of salt
The taste of betrayal
I'm seeing red
I'm slipping into the darkness
 I am dead


© Rachel Livingston

You have no eyes.(my best one so far)

 You have no eyes.
Why do you have no eyes?
You're looking at me.
How can you see me?
Don't look at me with those dark sockets!
I can feel you reading me.
Stop it please.
How are you doing that?
Why do you have no eyes?
Tell me where your eyes are.
"I put them in the ground because they lie"
Lie about what?
"Reality"

© Rachel Livingston

Regret Wont Save You

Regret Wont Save You

She is lost. She is confused. She's abused.With at tattered soul and blood shot eyes. She may tear up but never cries. No, she never cries. Made of flesh like you and me, lungs that breathe she is deceived. They judge at taunt. There words are painful as they haunt her soul. One more bong, and about 30 pills, some one save her she is ill!! At 12:34 she died. When they heard of her death only one person cried. The abuser. He felt horrible about how he used her. Full of regret he walks away. And  get's hit by a bus the very next day. Karma is a Bitch!

© Rachel Livingston

You Got The Best Of Me

You Got The Best Of Me

You have got the best of me
If you left me I would wither
I just couldn't resist your love
But this pain I feel is real
When you drink and drive me away
I cannot get a word in edgewise
Except for I am sorry
I want you to confess you're mistakes
I'm getting tired of slowly losing you
Have I gotten the best of you?
Are you in my arms too?
Would you wither if I died.
Would you feel the pain?
Would you cry?
I don't want to let go of you
I cannot
You gave me something that I didn't have
Love
No matter how fucked up love is.
I will always love you.
You have got the best of me.
I love you baby.

© Rachel Livingston

Spiders

Spiders

 Spiders weaving their traps
In the walls and hidden cracks
I've fallen into your strings
tangled up
You ripped off my wings
As I drain
I feel no pain
As the venom sets in
My time is coming to an end
As the world fades away
My spirit starts to stray
Out of body
Out of mind
Everything goes dark
I am blind
Then I see a light
It calls to me and says "It's alright"
I don't want to go
I can't leave yet
I said "No"
I floated away
Into the darkness
Gone astray

 © Rachel Livingston

Killing Time (Writer's Block)

Killing Time (Writer's Block)

Killing time
writing a poem that might rhyme
I've got writers block
Holy shit look at the clock
It took me an hour to write those last 3 lines

© Rachel Livingston

It's Raining Red

It's Raining Red

It's raining red
"It's my favorite color" she said
The blood in my veins
begin to drain
the salty taste of the rain
reminds me of the pain
shriveled up and ashamed
I didn't see this coming
I can't remember when I was sane
Time and time again
I fight the battle but never win

Satan

Satan

Satan at my feet

Grinding them into meat

Satan in my ear

Telling me what I need to hear

Satan at my door

Tearing it down more and more

Satan in my head

Filling my thoughts with dread

Satan in my room

Waiting for my doom

Satan inside of me

Waiting to be set free


© Rachel Livingston

Suffer

Take a fist and start to fight
Falling in darkness; now out of sight
self-destruction follows behind
How can people be so blind?
Pierce this dagger to the heart
One last breath then fall apart
isolated in this fear
the future seems so far from here

© Rachel Livingston

Hospital Bed

What were those words that you said?
The ones that keep playing over and over in my head
I guess that it's true, I'm better off dead
There is nothing to say, there is nothing to be said
So I am just going to curl up and rot here instead
And stare at the ceiling from my hospital bed
Wishing that I were dead
I'm better off dead
I should be dead.
I'm dead.

© Rachel Livingston

Fake

(Hide behind the mask)
Everyone is fake
Mortality is an illusion
A desperate attempt to feel real
Bad News,
(Reality isn't real anymore)

© Rachel Livingston

The Wolf is My Brother

The wolf is my brother. He is a part of me. He is my protector. The wolf is spiritual. I am connected to the wolf. The wolf watches over me. The wolf is my family. The wolf gives me guidance. The wolf is my totem. The wolf is beautiful. The wolf is wise, my teacher. The wolf is my guide. I believe in the Wolf. The wolf gives me strength. The wolf gives me piece of mind. The wolf is our friend. Don't let them disappear forever. Protect the wolves. Protect our brothers and sisters of nature.

© Rachel Livingston

She slowly dies

She stands there and waits
She stands there and dies
Her hair falls down
Past her thighs
To the ground
And blown away
She slowly dies
and waits for May

Cold and naked
Arms blowing in the chilly wind
Icecikles form
on her limbs
She fears not
Thus spring will come
She waits silently for the sun

© Rachel Livingston

Home at Last

Deep in the woods, home at last
Time to forget about the past
And just relax, smoke some pot.
It's just me and my mother earth.
Tree's everywhere, so tall and gorgeous.
I never want to leave.
I can feel the refreshing wind in my hair.
It gives me goosebumps.
The beauty makes my heart beat fast and slow at the same time.
I am one with nature.

© Rachel Livingston

Full Moon

Full moon shinning, lighting up the night sky. It is so beautiful I could just die. I made a wish on the night sky. I wished for life not to pass me by. It's moment's like this when I feel most alive. There is magic afoot. It's everywhere. I can feel it in the air. Witches come out and enjoy this fresh air. Come on out and see the moon, thus morning is coming soon. Take it all in before it goes away. The next full moon will come another day.

© Rachel Livingston

Barefoot in Nowhere

Ripped flowers. Scattered peddles floating in the air. Death and beauty. Barefoot in the soft green grass squishing it between my toes. I can hear the plants whispering to each other. Tree spirits gaze as us. In the middle of nowhere, where nature lives. They sky lights up with stars at dark. The moon is big and full. The songs of wolves sing in the background leaving a peaceful energy in the air. Earth is our home. Let's respect and protect it.

© Rachel Livingston

Autumn

The trees bleed red on the cliff side. This beautiful sight of death is only temporary. Thus, the trees will be born again, as so do we.  Father bear gets ready to hide, for soon the sky will cry cold crystals. We slowly die to prepare for our glorious rebirth, to start anew. This is a time of harvest and celebration! This is a time for thanks and giving! The Sun goes to sleep early, bringing darkness over the land. But the Autumn Moon still shines to light up the path. A gentle cold breeze passes by, whispering in out ears. The stars twinkle, dancing in the night sky. The God and Goddess peer down into our world, creating death, blowing the vibrant leaves off the trees. Death can be a beautiful sight. Never feel down for Death only means life.

© Rachel Livingston

Grandmama

Thinking of you.
You are in my mind.
Remembering memories of you.
Joyful memories of you.
Your smile always made me feel warm inside.
You kindness touched so many hearts.

You taught me so much, how to read and write.
You taught me how to cook.
You taught me manners.
You taught me so much about life.

You are a huge part of me.
I loved you so much and I still do.
I know I didn’t get to say good-bye but Grandmama, you know I love you.
You will be missed dearly.
You will never be forgotten.
Your love and kindness will never fade.
You will live on forever in our hearts.

You were so strong.
But you just couldn’t hold on any longer.
You are in a better place now.
No more pain.
Surrounded in God’s love.
You are finally home.

I love you Grandmama, always and forever.

© Rachel Livingston

Young Vicuska

See young Vicuska play with fire. She throws cinders to the air. Getting close to the  tempestuous flames. Playing with death himself. whetted rocks beneath her naked feet. Dancing with the smoke. Playing with daggers. Swimming in dread.She doesnt know they killed her. She doesnt know that she is dead.

                                                                          © Rachel Livingston

Song of the night

Wolves howling at the moon
Singing to the tune
Of the night
Dancing in the light
Of the stars
Shining so bright
On this beautiful evening
They wont stop singing
And I can see
them dance
and prance
They are one with the night
Gaurding me, it's alright
It's all alright

© Rachel Livingston

She Whispers in Words of Silence

She whispers in codes
You never really know
What she's trying to say
She's in your head
She isn't real
yet you  can feel
Her love for you
Her skin with your fingers
She always lingers
She is not real
She can't make you heal
You're on your own
But your not alone © Rachel Livingston

Apple Apple

Apple apple way up high
Take a bite and then I die

Eat it all to the core
Then the raven will be no more

Cawing Cawing in my ear
The end of the world is very near

Static Stactic in my ear
The voices aren't very clear

Laughing Laughing are the trees
Droppin thier leaves as they freeze

Bloody Bloody children try
To reach up and high towards the sky


Apple apple way up high
Take a bite and then I die

Eat it all to the core
Then the world will be no more

 

© Rachel Livingston

Heather's Gun

Heather took a gun to school today. She was going to make them pay. They teased her and pushed her around long enough. Now let's see who's tough. She walks up to the click pulls out her gun and tells them to fucking sit. She points the gun at their heads and told them they should have quit. They should have left her alone. But now it's too late and no one is going home. Teachers see the gun and rush to stop it. But it's too late she already cocked it. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! She shot each of them in their head. Then she turned the gun on herself and now she's dead.

© Rachel Livingston

just so you know I wrote this about all the school shootings and how most of them are caused by bulling.

Vindictiveness Tenderness

The sky is somber; as thy soul is vengeful. My mind is isolated; detached from reality. I await here for an answer, to questions that shall remain nothing more than an uneasiness; that doth rest upon my soul. Vindictiveness is tender and dulcet; although it shall cause misery in the end. Oh, how I long for it! However, I shall abide here for my time; for my time. However, I shall abide here for his return; for his return.

© Rachel Livingston

Stranger

I can see your scabs melt into blood, you've gone soft.
And have become delicate and fragile and innocent,
naive and lost. You've taken candy from the stranger too much.
Now you can't turn back. All you can do is break and shatter
into a million pieces. People walk all over you and your scattered self
Each piece of you is a missing story, now contaminated by the stranger
you thought you knew..

© Rachel Livingston

She's an Insect

She is an insect
She is a worm
She is ignorant
She will never learn

She will be torn in half, raped and laughed at
Little does she know
She's just another freak
In a freak show

© Rachel Livingston

Shadow Stalker

It's dark. It's night. The moon is bright, giving off an eerie light. I walk down the abandoned alley, it's empty and tight. Paranoia sets in. I can feel the goosebumps on my skin. I am almost to the end. I hear footsteps behind me. But it's dark and I cannot see. I call out "Who's there?" and a voice replied "I am your shadow." I ran to the end as fast as I could. I finally make it to the end and take a deep breath. "I escaped" I thought to myself but I thought too soon. My shadow caught me and now I am doomed.

© Rachel Livingston

Secrets of You

Secrets of you
in my ear
It's something I don't want to hear
Hush your secrets
tell me no more
let's not open that door

© Rachel Livingston

Apart of Me

Corrupted tenderness
Manipulative ways
I want my past to be a haze
I don't want to remember the mistakes I've made
I want to block it out and make it fade
Imprinted permanently in my mind
Looking for answers I cannot find
Please, memories, leave and let me be
I don't want the past to be apart of me

© Rachel Livingston

Needle Freak

he walks alone.

She is far from home.

No one knows she's gone.

She must remain strong.

But her weakness sets in

And she takes the needle to her skin

She wonders what could have been.

Shot after shot she grows tired

It is time for her to retire.

She is now gone forever.

Will she be missed?

Never. 

Addict

She lies awake in the field of darkness
Laying around with all the bloody corpses
In denile
Like a child
Lost in the night
There is no light,
No, there is no light.

She's an addict...
Addicted to the pain
Lost in a world of pills and migraines
Consumed in darkness
Driven from the light
She wonders,
She wonders
If she'll ever be alright.

© Rachel Livingston

Bitch

I never should have let you in
If only I knew you were going to break me again
I remember all those cute tings we used to do
But now nothing matters because we’re through
I wish my pain would hit you in the face
These fucked up worthless memories I can’t erase
What goes around comes around and I have nothing else to say
Fuck you and the games that you play

© Rachel Livingston

Bitterness

You feed off of bitterness
Sucking away all of life’s morality
I thought I knew who you were
But maybe you just died

You lick your lips
At the sight of my suffering
Your eyes glow with an alluring stare
Deceiving all who touch you

You’re pride is hideous
It leaves a negative vibe
And it makes me so ill

Someday someone is going to outsmart you and your mind games
And you will be NOTHING
You will find yourself immortally broken
Drowning in your own self-pity,
Falling for someone else's tricks

© Rachel Livingston

The Obsolete

Hidden from the naked eye
Creatures of darkness pass us by
We are isolated within these walls built with light
The beasts struggle to tear it down and fight
They will rip you apart and bite the flesh from your bone
They will prey on you when you are all alone
Give into them and they shall make you one of their own
Give into them and let this obscurity be your new home
They are the demons that you can not defeat
For they are the Obsolete

© Rachel Livingston

666

Startled by screaming angels
Awakened by the song
Alas, the world is over
And the Lord Of Darkness won

© Rachel Livingston

Random Burst of Beauty

Random Burst of Beauty

At true moments of beauty I become entranced within the moment and become one with pureness of it

Beauty can be totally random and unexpected.

I went out into my garage, turned on the light and opened the door which lead to the back yard..

And for some strange reason the light flickered into a dim calming haze...

It wasn't the artificial yellow glow of most the light bulbs in the house..

It was more of a  natural flowing moonlight, calming and pure..

It only lit up a small area and I was in the center...

I noticed that the air was fresh...moist but not humid..

It had stormed all day...

It was now resting..

I could hear the sky breathing...

The sky was a grayish purple, lit up by the moon..

So perfect...

I soon forgot about where I was, and why I was there, and what I was doing..

And I stared and absorbed the beauty of the moment..

In a trance I could feel the energy flowing around me..

It was so peaceful and calming..

The random burst of beauty, and energy from the simplest things lasted about
10 minutes...

But it will be permanently imprinted within my mind forever...

© Rachel Livingston

Tat me up

Tat me up
I want to reach a higher level of consciousness
I want to feel the pain and my endorphins release,
Putting me into a spiritual trance.
I want to express myself
I am a canvass
Lets do some art.

© Rachel Livingston

ART

Art is a way to release your innermost emotions. It is the blood that flows through your veins and into your fingertips, which grip the pen. Art is the rhythm, in which your heart beats, bleeding through you and onto the paper. Art is freedom. Freedom to roam around in your own little world and the ability to create new ones. Art is love, hate, pain, romance, heartbreak sorrow, peace, and passion sketched out for hungry eyes to see. Art is the demon, the angel that dwells in you and me. Art is abstract. Art is everywhere. Art is nature, created with obsolete hands.

© Rachel Livingston

Words and Knives

Words and Knives

The say actions speak louder than words...
but sometimes words can hurt more than actions...
Sometimes what's spoken and what's not spoken can hurt worse than an actual needle puncturing the heart....It can hurt worse than a punch in the head...Words can too leave people dead...
Words can too cut like a knife...
and the more you scream the deeper it gets...

© Rachel Livingston

Inanimate

 

This blood which flows through my body is not clean
Captured in these veins not to be seen

It’s time to open my closet and set this skeleton free
Then, perhaps I could be me

This reflection of the beast
That I peer into every morning as it feasts
On my fear
These voices I refuse to hear

Telling me that this disquietude is getting old
And my soul is not yet sold
And there is a way out
But I’m just too choked up with doubt

But these battles have got me tied down
My head is too far beneath the ground
Drowning in the dirt, choking on the worms

Dizzy from these storms that pound in my head
I long to be dead
I’m sick of crawling around in this dread

My soul is tired
Something I once admired

I’m nothing I could never be
I’m nothing, I’ve lost sight of me
© Rachel Livingston